(BDYBIS) Of Kids and Dogs

What happens here can change it all. The rest of your life will be defined by this short period of time. Screw it all up and you may as well give up. That’s what they have you believe anyway. The Olympic finals, the Paralympics, the penalty shootouts England always lose at? No, School.

Many children have gone back to school this week after the long balmy summer we had. Ok so the two days where they could actually play outside. But they were able to get in a fair amount of Xbox/Smoking/Wanking and the over 8’s probably had some fun as well. Now they are back in new uniforms that cost their parents £400, little Timmy could have had a HD TV for that, but instead Mum had to buy him a jumper so big he will still be able to wear it when he’s 35.

The pressure to succeed for some of these kids is immense. Some parents living their dreams through their kids, it’s quite astounding. Some have the best intentions “I want my child to have all the things I haven’t got outta life” you carry on mate and he will have something you never had. An early heart attack.

Then there is the teachers, who have quotas to fill and targets to meet. This by the way is not a dig at teachers, they have 30+ little darlings in each class, a head-teacher who hasn’t actually taught for 20+ years breathing down their neck, mumbling something about the league tables and OFSTED. They are to a certain extent looking out for themselves as they have teacher training debts or mortgages to pay, so if Billy is playing the fool bringing down the averages it’s little wonder Billy is sent home when testing day arrives.

Those kids that have to do the tests, particularly final exams are told by so many people that this actually matters, some are fooled into believing it. Some have even buckled under the pressure and taken their own lives.

Two things are important at school. These are things taught to dogs in obedience classes.

  1. Know the basics
For dogs this is For children it’s:
Sit, Maths
Stay, English
Fetch, A little science but meh!
Come back when I call Don’t shit on the carpet
Don’t shit on the carpet.  

2. Socialise

For dogs: For children
Play with others Play with others
Find your place in the group Find your place in the group
Don’t be an arse Don’t be an arse

Get these right before you leave school (obedience or comprehensive (High School my american friends)) and you are more than half way there. Anything and everything else you can learn if you want to at a later date. You’ll also have the added bonus of not worrying about your voice breaking or if Beth fancies you or Brad. Or indeed if you fancy Brad more than Beth anyway.

You can be as clever as you like. But if you don’t learn the “don’t be an arse” lesson. You will never get anywhere in life.

Dog and Child Learning in the 80’s

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