When was the last time you fell over? I mean properly. Not a trip or a slide, nor a dive in the penalty box but a proper fall.
I’m guessing it was probably some time ago. With mitigating circumstances such as snow or whiskey or both conspiring against you. For me my most recent journey to the floor was 20 mins ago. Yes I am as balanced as a Fox News reporter and falling is a almost daily occurrence.
Being a frequent faller has it’s advantages. So I’d thought I’d share so expert knowledge.
- It’s not always a good idea to try and prevent the fall. It’s natural to attempt to halt a fall from grace, yet this in itself could lead to injury. On one occasion I grabbed out to stop a fall to the nearest thing. Thorn bush! Thorns in my hand, and my ear where the branch flicked up. Had I fell very few thorns.
- When you fall backwards. Make like a hedgehog. Make a ball. Protecting your head and vital organs.
- Falling is always funny. Even if you do yourself a mischief. Even if it’s as regular as clockwork, seeing the funny side will ease any pain. Also if you are caught on camera there is good money to be made.
- Faces are surprisingly good at breaking a fall. More resilient than fingers. Hurts, yes but it’s more difficult to break your face than it is hands.
- Aim for something soft. Sounds obvious but a thing most amateurs forget. Beds, sofas, pillows, breasts all good things to fall on. Concrete, gravel, ice, metal. All to be avoided.
- If you notice yourself falling. Do it with style. A shout of “Geronimo” is not out of place nor is a flying Superman pose.
- After the fall. It is important to get right up. No matter what the injury. People around make a fuss otherwise. Start grabbing arms (which may or may not be trying hard to lever you up off the floor)
- Think of a James Bond-sque one liner to recover with style. Try: -“There a hole there.” or “Look how eager I am to go down” (good for dates) or “6 from the Russian judge”
- If you have been bundled over by people. They will probably be French (they were on the ferry in 1994) you can kick them from your position on the floor, all whilst pretending to get up.
- You will fall whilst holding beverages. Usually they will go over your face, TV or MacBook. Once in a while you will achieve the master fall. One where you fall but you don’t spill a drop. You will feel a sense of euphoria that can not be beaten. A sense of inner peace that almost makes up for your bruised pride and face.
Be sure to fall over to the Resident Weeble’s Blog. He said he’d push me over if you didn’t