Regular readers might have guessed that I am not that fond of my job, so when I saw the daily prompt last week. I thought I’d take part (of course I’m late… just like when I’m at work)
It’s strange. I am not one of those people who can be pleased because “at least you have a job” Nor am I happy doing a job where I can see no worth in my output. This is my issue currently. It doesn’t really matter if I turn up or not, there is no scope for promotion or if there is, the work I’m doing now has no impact on my ability to get the higher graded job because everything is based on application and interview. So if you can spin a good line you’ll go far.
I have been in my current job for 6 years. It no longer provides me with a challenge I can use my skill set on. Surprisingly though the longer I stay here needing a new challenge the further I get away from it. I’ll explain.. or at least try to.
Before I arrived here I had skills, I know I did. But now my confidence is so low that I doubt my ability to do anything else. I wasn’t the most confident guy to begin with, but the frustration of this role, combined with failure after failure at interviews for other positions has led me to believe I am completely worthless and it is either this or nothing. For now, for ever.
This has spilled over into my personal life. I have no confidence for anything, which leads me to cling on like a limpet to anything that might be good, and squeeze it until it squirms away. Lots of the time I just want to curl up and die….. hey hey.. come back it’ll be ok. I won’t throw myself off a bridge, knowing my luck I’d screw that up!
(speaking to the camera) What the hell’s going on? I lost my show, I lost my best friend, I lost my girl. I’m being shit on, that’s all, shit on! And you know what really pisses me off — [camera pans away] Wait, no, come on back.. OK, things aren’t as bad as they seem… I’ll figure somethin’ out, OK? – Wayne Campbell (Waynes World)
Ok I realise this is wallowing a little. I haven’t stopped trying. To all those people who have met me within the last five years. I am a nice guy, I have a great sense of humour and I like pina coladas and going for walks in the rain. (oops wrong window) I’m sorry you haven’t seen that much. Sometimes I feel like I’ve not smiled since 1987. But guess what. I am currently putting off writing the final “Give me this job please” statement for two jobs whilst I’m writing this. Go me!
Who knows I might get one of those until then…
The vicious cycle continues. I hate work, I have no confidence to get out, frustration levels in my life are very high which makes me not a nice person to be around, so I resent work, I hate work….