Free Choice

(WMB4X) If There’s Grass on the Pitch…

The World Cup, the premier football competition, the one they all want to win and unlike the World Series (which I know was named after a Newspaper) it is truly a global event. Because of FIFA’s global conquest to spread the game to all corners of the globe the 2022 tournament will take place in Qatar. That and a whole bunch of money, a ridiculous amount of money.

With every new major sporting event there comes redevelopment of the areas which will stage the pieces of history. London 2012’s Olympic Park would be a prime example of how they do things outside of football with a new stadium and aquatic centre built amongst other things.

Recently The Qatar supreme committee unveiled their ‘Olympic Park’, their ‘Wembley’.

This was designed by the same woman who designed London’s Aquatic centre Zaha Hadid. Very elegant and contemporary it is. However it does remind me of something, I was thinking it might be my dirty mind but it does remind me somewhat of a “lady garden” Now before I get accused of being a disgusting individual other folks have noticed this too and they have put this to the architect. She isn’t happy with the comparison. Stating:

“It’s really embarrassing that they come up with nonsense like this. What are they saying? Everything with a hole in it is a vagina? That’s ridiculous.”

That in itself is fair comment I suppose. However as I write this I am watching West Bromwich Albion play Aston Villa. Neither of those teams have a home ground that looks anything like a vagina, the Hawthorns and Villa Park both have “the hole” but I’ve never thought wow this place really shouldn’t be shown before the watershed. But art, and this art, is up for interpretation.

I have problems with this addition though:

“Honestly, if a guy had done this project, critics would not be making such lewd comparisons.”

I beg to differ. If a man designed something to look like a massive vagina people would mention it. Woman-kind would protest, some might even say how disgusting it was. The sex of the designer is irrelevant. I realise that architecture is not exactly an area where women are able to flourish as opportunities for high profile projects go to men and Zaha Hadid has probably had to work her arse off to get a foot in the door, but comments like this do little to aid the case of female equality.

I liken it to the “Is it because I is Black” comments of Sacha Baron Cohen’s Ali G or me blaming me not getting any hits on this blog because I am disabled. You can’t allow yourself that cop out, because it is not giving your critics a valid response and that leads to a lazy artist always unwilling to use the criticism to improve.

I think this stadium looks good. Zaha Hadid would have been much better off saying “A vagina you say, well now you mention it….”

Image from (I needed the image to illustrate my point please don’t sue me)

Please visit the Resident Weeble who likes a good stadium as much as the next man


(WMB4X) Nightmare is Xmas

There were so many things I could have written about for today’s WriteMare Before Xmas (WMB4X) piece. Kennedy, the fact that it’s International Disabled Persons day to name but two. But as I sit here now, not in the greatest of moods. I figured I’d use my melancholy.

I am aware lots of people hate Christmas. Lots of folks really love it too.

Guess which camp I fall in. Yep no surprises. So why am I writing this piece in November, well if shops can have Christmas stock in place by September I can write about Christmas whenever I damn well choose. The shops is a good enough place to start too. I am a single guy, I do my own shopping. Sometimes all I pop in for is a pint of milk, in early September I have to turn into some tinsel hoping, mince pie dodging hurdler just to get a pint of the white stuff. Why? Christmas point of sale displays popping up more often than the penis of an average teenager who is thinking.. about anything.

I wouldn’t mind if it was good stuff either. It’s all tat, overpriced overdraft inducing tat that everyone is guilt tripped into buying.

My house is a Christmas free zone. At least it is until I turn on my TV. Specials from Christmas past, present and future. I know it’s Christmas, I’m trying to avoid it thanks, additionally I know you filmed this in 25 degree heat in the summer in the Kent Countryside, so fuck off, get off my TV and stick your fake snow up your arse. Only safe haven is On-demand.

Work. I hate my job, I hate it at Christmas, pressured into parties with people you want to kill because “it’s Christmas” Also there is the actual work too. No-one does anything, which I have no problem with. However I have to report on people doing nothing by producing stats which people don’t read usually let alone near Christmas. So I have to cover people on leave and produce my normal level of work. Hardly comfort and joy.

Beer. I like a nice pint of real ale in a nice country pub. However around Christmas any pub that is any good is packed to the rafters. Full of occasional drinkers on “house white” or “do you do mulled wine?” again because it’s Christmas. Result being nowhere to sit, meaning no beer for me.

Family. I love my family and extended family which includes my friends. But, no family is perfect, so any fuck ups you have made in the last 20 years, which can be managed or swept under the carpet always rears it’s head at Christmas. Even if it’s nothing serious for you (lucky) there will probably be some git who doesn’t like their present. You spend december walking on egg shells probably for something you can’t even remember. You can’t tell them to fuck off either. Because it’s Christmas.

Christmas blog articles. People with no original ideas writing about Christmas like it’s something special even as early as November….


Visit the blog of the Resident Weeble. Send him a Christmas card. I won’t be.

(WMB4X) The Glee in Accidental poetry

People moan about the english language, really moan. Why is know spelt with a K? Why do the brits (correctly) spell words with “u’s” where it’s ok for our American brothers and sisters to leave letters out willy nilly? Hell there are even words that are spelt the same that mean entirely different things. My favourite (note the ‘U’ statesiders) of these Heteronyms is “Bear” because everytime anyone says they have a right to bear arms. I see this.

Image expertly drawn by the Resident Weeble

Image expertly drawn by the Resident Weeble

But for all the moaning, one of the joys of language be it English or Klingon has to be for me the joy of an accidental rhyme. Even the dullest news report can be lifted by a unexpected rhyme. It doesn’t have to be a news story either or indeed a true rhyme. ITV in the UK (as Apples iTV has been delayed) has a news reporter named Nina Nannar. Doesn’t matter what she says I’m always thinking ambulance sirens.

It’s not just the news either. The world of sport has it’s lynguistic delights too, I’m sure even the most ardent Cardiff City fan has raised a smile over Swans player Àngel Rangel. Additionally still in the world of football no matter how much he may try to hide it, Man City’s Everton loanee Gareth Barry is in fact named Gary Barry. Embrace the rhyming Gaz.

In everyday life the rhyme can occur. “Thats sweet Pete” was uttered in the office today. Although some of the examples of rhymes could get you fired or sued. “Nice tits Miss Smits” and I’m very pleased my boss isn’t Ms Hunt.

One of the simple things in life I try to enjoy. See the whole miserable bastard stuff is just shtick I do for the blog. Now to quote Charlie Brooker. Go away.

To see more of the talented Mr Weeble visit his blog if you ask nicely he might even draw you a Monkey bear

(WMB4X) Change Yes. Ideas Required.

The world in general, it’s been broken for a long time in one way or another. On a day on which we remember our fallen who died defending our country and way of life. Also our thoughts turn to those who continue to fight now in largely political wars over oil pipelines. It’s just not working.

I can agree it is broken. A fact which Russell Brand highlighted in a recent Newsnight interview. Which I have to admit passed me by when it aired. (Thanks to Piece of Pandemonium for drawing my full attention to it.) Here it is in case you missed it too.

So we acknowledge the problem. What Mr Brand fails to do is suggest any viable way of changing things, declaring a rather child like revolution. Then saying that he doesn’t have to come up with any concrete plans for the revolution because there are people more educated than him to do that. Let’s talk to some of them instead shall we?

This is not supposed to be an anti-Brand rant, but one final thing. He states the Occupy movement made a huge difference. It did not. A bunch of un-washed unemployed students and overly political comedians waiting for a gig, sat around outside not disrupting anything did not achieve any of the goals they set out for. Surprising for such a bunch of well organised folks!

Doug Stanhope, a comedian with more sense than most, offered some advice for the Occupiers at the time.

Brand makes the mistake that all the revolutionists of recent times make (those speaking from established democracies) they plead for change, expanding a futuristic vision how it will make the world better without a clue how to get there. Thats easy.. thus:

“I would like to live in a big house, with a beautiful girlfriend who will blow me on demand. Because there for I will be mellow all the time I will give millions of pounds to charity and solve world hunger.”

Sounds great. Meanwhile, I’m single, on the bones of my arse in rented accommodation contemplating getting a rib removed so I can reach. No idea how to get where I want. The goal is the easy thing, it’s having a clue how to begin to get there from where we are now that is the key and no-one can offer even a semblance of a workable plan.

Even worse than that is that when people start to ask questions of the revolutionary plans they get accused of being “brainwashed” in the case of The Venus Project. If we cannot question or criticise is the society really going to be better off?

People will always be greedy. Want more for themselves and their clans. That is how the human race has survived, we are programmed this way. There will always be people who have more, people who have less. Change will always be called for, because it is hypothetical it will always be better than the actual because it is easier to maximise the positives and dismiss huge negatives larger than the plot holes in Russell T Davies Dr Who stories.

Change yes. Ideas required.

Fancy a change the Resident Weeble has a plan

(WMB4X) Give Opinion a Chance

I like a good documentary as much, if not more than the next man. That’s one of the many reasons Netflix is so good lets be honest if you are perusing your local HMV a documentary blu-ray is hardly the most value for money. These are usually one watch affairs.

One documentary title available on Netflix is USA vs John Lennon. This documents the period where John Lennon and Yoko Ono staged a few bed-ins to promote the cause of world peace. Because of this activism the FBI held a file on Lennon as a “threat to National Security” they also tried to deport him. Of course in hindsight if they had been successful in that action he would have probably still been alive, as in 1980 when Lennon was shot dead gun culture in Liverpool was as rare as a parked car not up on bricks.

Watching this film got me thinking (as all good films should) Lennon was using his public persona to promote a cause which he believed in. He scared the authorities enough to use american tax payers cash to tap his phone and follow him. Although his personal exposure was raised by this action and record sales were not harmed, I believe this was not the primary purpose. It was always the cause that was forefront of Lennons mind.

Who have my generation got to speak out against the worlds wrongs? Well Bob Geldof yes. Bono?

Strange thing is about Bono. You never hear him going on about political causes when U2 don’t have a album out. As such everything he does has a rather self serving nature to it which de-values the charitable message.

Are they “my generation?” probably yes. But what of the current crop of starlets experiencing that space cadet glow. One Direction, Beiber et al. Nothing off message is aloud. Record company puppets not allowed so much as pube outta place let alone have a strong opinion about any cause. Non opinionated blandness sells. Look at Coldplay.

No opinion doesn’t offend any demographic so it maximises profit for the record company. Music since the beginning of our species has been an important tool of opinion and expression. This period in music is similar to the malaise that existed in the early 60’s America. Bland middle aged men singing songs written in a hit factory, about loving the girl next door and being polite to her Ma and Pa.

The Beatles and that man Lennon stepped off a plane and shook that all up, This generation needs a voice, someone to fill the vacuum. Someone to give a toss. Someone to give peace a chance.


Be sure to read the Resident Weebles WMB4X peace (geddit) today

Don’t Worry Your Pretty Little Head

The picture below is that of the husband of Rachel Reeves MP for Leeds West in the UK

This guy went on Twitter to say how great it was that his Missus had made it to front benches of the opposition. The press in their even handed level way thought that this picture was the most suitable. Except they didn’t… he’s just a guy in his budgie smugglers and is not at all connected to Rachel Reeves.

I mean if she is married, you expect the guy to be permanently in a tweed suit and occasionally claim for porn on expenses. If a male spouse of a politician tweets something along the lines of “My missus was unlucky to get sacked.” any accompanying picture would be of him in the aforementioned suit. Why then, if the ex wife of a politician does a similar thing does a major newspaper for real do this.

Now I’m by no means “modern” man. I think it’s good that women tennis players get paid less than men (they play less) I think page 3 is a good thing. I think a beautiful woman is much nicer to look at than a handsome man. I believe the genetic differences between men and women should be celebrated for the good of the human race. In general terms there are some things women are better equipped to do genetically than men and vice versa. Why not use these natural skills instead of fighting against them?

However if a woman is talking about politics or sport or the price of fish. A picture of her in a bikini is not appropriate, unless the interview is from the beach. Now I will be honest here (sorry chaps) If a woman on TV is attractive and fully clothed I will look. Often regardless of what she is saying I might even think “Nice tits.” I’m a horrible person, but I am not the editor of a daily newspaper.

Now you may ask. How can you think Page 3 is good, but think random pictures of women with opinions in bikinis is bad. Well Page 3 girls know they are Page 3 girls, they get their tits out, pics get airbrushed and they get paid. Random women are unaware that the selfie they are taking will be used against them to discredit any serious point they were making. Not because people disagree with the point but because they think she doesn’t look good in the bikini.

News paper guys need to take a look at themselves and the example they are setting for kids namely you the idea that you can write for a paper and get paid to copy and paste from Twitter as long as you have bare skin somewhere. Imagine the memorable news stories history reported today:

@JackieO Devistated for John RIP
Jackie Kennedy tweeted about her grief for President Kennedy

Mailreader1: Crap dress, where are her tits.

Breast size has no relevance to intelligence. Thank goodness. Despite how things are reported in 2013!

There has however been a link discovered between penis size and spelling ability, I wil lat you deside if thas gud or bod for dis blooger.

“What you reading for?”

The title of this piece is of course stolen from the below Bill Hicks bit . But it is appropriate, what are you reading this for? My blog. Is it because you are my friend and you feel obliged to or do you just like the cut of my jib. Did you search for “Kelly Brook Fat” again and are frustrated you find yourself here instead of looking at a photoshopped Miss Brook. Kelly is lot of things, fat is not one of them.

I write this following the news that one of the bloggers I “follow” (I hate that wordpress changed it from subscribe) is to quit writing because amongst other things his readership has dwindled. Mine has never been high, my Status Quo gig review has been my biggest hit, largely because no-one else wrote one but 108 hits in a day in my career high. As I have been sporadic in updating averages of 20 views have fallen to 3 or 4. All folks looking for strange things.

When I first started this, I was consumed by viewing stats and I still am up to a point. After all this is not a diary, it is an opinion piece and I’d like my world view to be seen and discussed, even if it is “What a misguided arse SudoOne is.” What I don’t want to do however is write things to try and get hits, a thing that I have caught myself doing on occasion. I need to write well and more often for the 3 or 4 who might read it and that’s it.

I would love to write professionally. But due to my inability to deal with rejection I will never send any of the bits I write to be published. So this blog is a halfway house. It gets me writing, its allows me to express my (messed up) opinions to the anonymous masses (up to 20 of them at a time)

So I am writing for me. Not to be popular, not for money (I get no money from any ads that appear) I am writing for me, and for you dear reader my sincere thanks, but don’t expect to like or enjoy everything.

I just hope it doesn’t suck. I continue to be surprised, what the hell are you reading for!

The Tax Cycle

Now I vaguely remember what it was like to be a teenager, spots, Fosters Ice and wrist cramps. I was never particularly image conscious in fact I was just like Billy Ray Cyrus (minus the slutty daughter) I had a mullet. However there were some boys in my year who were always perfectly styled and gelled down. Unfortunately this teenage want to look amaze balls, can land the style conscious in trouble, sometimes terribly.

Teenager Ryan Smith tonight lies in a coma because he didn’t want to mess up his hair by putting on a helmet whilst riding his bike. He was hit by a van. His father Mark has been doing the media rounds today to try and make it compulsory for cyclists to wear a helmet.

Mark Cavendish among GB and England riders

Cyclists should wear helmets. There is opposition to this, Boris Johnson and the CTC who actually think such a move would be detrimental for the nations health. There was me thinking a coma induced by a head injury was a un-healthy thing. Apparently not. If putting a helmet on your head puts you off cycling, you obviously weren’t that committed in the first place so feel free to walk to your local pie shop and watch the world go by.

OK so there is doubt that the current crop of helmets will be any good in a major collision. Well if everyone had to wear one, the very best would become cheaper and better and provide more protection. But lets be honest, if there is anything that could reduce the risk of injury, wouldn’t you take it up.

In my opinion helmet laws are a good start. I would go one step further. I would make cyclists register their bikes, pay road tax and insurance. OK I’ll level with you at this point, I don’t own a bike and yes, I am a motorist. I am sick and tired of seeing cyclists riding like morons and running red lights. Only then to complain when a car driver nearly runs them down. Cyclists are capable of killing pedestrians, and they have in the not too distant past. This registration would hopefully make it easier for the police to trace those dangerous riders, who give the majority of law abiding cyclists a bad name.

The tax revenue collected could also help fund more cycle lanes, and education programs for new riders. So everyone would benefit. The regulations may put some people off, I think its fair bet those people not willing to comply are those same people who think red lights are there for other people, so it’s probably a good thing they won’t be on the roads.

World View, to Dream a Dream.

Different folks have different ways of looking at things. Obvious statement of the year, well probably but I haven’t done anything on this blog for a while and I thought it best to tackle something obvious!

Some folks live a day at a time, others plan everything to the finest degree. Whilst I am certainly towards the planning end, i have no real master plan. No five year goal, no yearning for yachts by the time I’m 35. Bit of luck really as thats only two years away and I currently would be very surprised if I had more than £2.50 in my bank account. Toy yacht maybe!

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” Sang Mr Lennon. How true, there are lots of people who dare to dream. Often from a young age, people wanna win Wimbledon (yeah like thats gonna happen to anyone British.. what? He didn’t..) or they might wanna marry a footballer or a supermodel or even less superficially find a cure for cancer. These dreamers, focus on that dream. Live it 24/7. Won’t let up until it rests in their metaphorical sweaty palm. Good for them.

But is this dream chasing, long term goal setting really such a good way to live? Focus is one thing, but by it’s very nature it leads us not to value where we are in life or value the things we have currently over the things we might gain in the future. I’m not just talking about possessions or opportunities here either. People too can be picked up or shunned to fit in with a persons master plan, friendships. partnerships, marriages. All changed to chase those stars.

So, because of the dream. Just the dream, no concrete facts. You’ve turned down that great offer of work in Dubai because that dream is to work in San Francisco. Or you divorced your wife because she won’t have that third child you dreamt of. Who is to say that opportunity in Dubai wouldn’t have made you happier than San Fran. Who’s to say the new girlfriend you find yourself with is going to be able to have kids.

Live life.
Dream, if you want. Make sure that dream doesn’t close you off from what you have. That dream may be nowhere near as good as you thought and it may lead to you missing out on something better than that dream could ever be.

Private Dancer

Before the advent of the “megapixel” camera when you had to wait 3 weeks for photos that the processing lab stuck little labels over. Before Flickr, Photobucket and Photostream two ways to share photo’s were. The Photo Album or the Slide Show. The only way to express a “like” in such arenas was to open your mouth and say “I like that one.” Voice activated before the X-Box was a twinkle in Windows 3.1’s eye.

Now we publish online. I am writing this piece to be published online, making it accessible to everyone with some type of internet connection. I publish other things too, I have a Gmail account, iCloud, Dropbox,, Yahoo. I am as online as you can be without involving Satan’s spawn itself Facebook.

Government spies enlisting the assistance of all tech’s major players has hit the news recently. It’s caused what can only be described as a kafuffle. All emails, blogs, pictures of your kids, pictures of the things you used to get those kids are apparently fair game for Mr FBI without your consent or knowledge .

Consent is a funny thing, Every email account, website or photo sharing service you sign up for has terms and conditions. Terms and Conditions that no-one ever reads. So chances are a high percentage of people (myself included) have consented to great deal of things we are unaware of. Granted letting the Government or anyone else look at your stuff probably wasn’t on the list.

Knowledge. You won’t know that anyone has looked at anything you put online. But you must be aware that they might. Even if you just look at human curiosity. If you worked at Flickr and saw a user account from MassiveNorks69, it’s only natural to want to take a sneaky peak. Google and the rest use your email to target advertising or have in the past.

The only way to keep your data safe from prying eyes. Don’t go online. Don’t phone anyone either. Don’t have a bank account, buy everything with cash. Not really practical. So what can we do?

Nothing. The old adage of if you have done nothing wrong you will have nothing to hide applies. I am not one of the tin foil hat brigade, but I’m not stupid enough to assume big companies and governments will respect the sanctity on my online life. That is the price we pay for the convenience of “Likes” “Re-tweets” and “Followers” So Hi there Mr FBI Man…. (I thought they were all shaped like that)