I’m selfish me. You know what you are too.
Now before you protest with “You don’t even know me” Firstly I’ve seen you. Using your webcam and a small piece of Malware that gets installed every time I write a piece you don’t like I see all muhahahaha. Secondly, everyone without doubt is selfish to a certain degree.

It’s how the human race survived this long. It’s the survival of the fittest out there, how do you stay the fittest? Well you look out for number one, make sure there is enough food on your plate. Then and only then can you help others, but it’s only those others who you feel need help, which then in turns makes you feel good. Selfish!

Modern society has made selfishness a bad thing, morally, ethically. All charity appeals hammer home the same point, “How dare you live in comfort, because these other people/dogs/cats/donkeys/etc aren’t” You selfish bastard. The $50 you spent on your 30th Alex and Ani bracelet could have got a water pump for an African village. How dare you for working hard and wanting pretty things. Capitalist scum!

So I admit I’m selfish, and it’s a pretty good thing. Keeps me feeling good, and as luck would have it, those people around me benefit too. Worse than the likes of me, who openly admits a “I’m alright Jack” attitude are those people who refuse to admit they indulge at all. These people live, by their own reckoning an entirely selfless existence.

Religon plays a part here. People do “selfless” things to get a reward from a higher power or at least to gain favour, hardly selfless. But meanwhile on earth there are quite a few religious folks I’ve met who appear to have the air of superiority. To quote one guy talking about women “I’m a Christian, so it’s my duty to let her know she’s beautiful.”

Embed from Getty Images

So as an atheist I go around telling beautiful women they all look like a bull dog chewing a wasp for shits and giggles. No, the ability to make a person feel good about themselves is nothing to do with religion. Nor does this superior “God squad” outlook make you less selfish than anyone else, often it just means your pleasures are more closeted than mine, which isn’t a good thing.

Embrace the selfish once in a while, it’s probably what got you to where you are today.

Late Night Poem: Beauty



True beauty,
Never knowing, for certain,
Vanity is sure,
Vanity perpetuates a myth,
A lie said often enough,
Stupid believe.
Vanity is fleeting
Beauty is understated,
Beauty is natural
Effortless, eternal,
She is beauty


Fiction: Apartment 3386

I seem to have always lived here. Apartment 3385, Sunview, just off Gosling and Forth in the depths of the Big Bad city. She lives in Apartment 3386. She moved in three months ago and she has driven me to distraction ever since. She has long dark hair and a face that made me, even with my atheist leanings, want to believe there was a God. From afar I gazed into her eyes, I think they are light blue.

In the city guys like me do not approach girls like her. Mace stings. I do however, see her twice everyday and at night in my dreams. She’s a good girl, the pushers come calling to the block at least twice a day, dealing their pills and potions. I ain’t never seen them stop at her door. Me, I ain’t perfect. I let those bastards in long ago, now I just take whatever they offer.

Usually my highs are very high, and the lows, well let’s just say if I trusted the light fitting not to come away from the mould marked ceiling I wouldn’t be around. That’s changed since she appeared. I see her, when I go to get my mail in the mornings. Always a vivid vision, her smile lights up the hallway and wakes me up much more effectively than anything the pushers offer. For those few brief seconds in the hall I can marvel at her figure, pert perfection flowing effortlessly into curves that would make a Coke bottle jealous.

I don’t know her name. Of course I checked her mailbox, but the name plate is blank. The way she moves it should be something regal although this place is about as far from a palace as it’s possible to get. Screams often echo through the interconnecting passageways. No-one calls the cops, head down, keep quiet.

Quiet and still until the pushers come.

When the deal has been done, I see her again. She passes my door and casts a beautiful silhouette that is the only part of her that has entered my apartment. I have nearly called out to her, but I fear I’ll scare her away. The pushers have done their work and I am far from my best. They said she’s not good for me. Those white coated bastards said they would make her disappear.

I reached out. I tried to warn her. But soon she was gone.

I would have cried. Had I not been “medicated” as they called it. I am screaming inside.

I seem to have always lived here. Apartment 3385, Sunview Institution just off Gosling and Forth in the depths of the Big Bad city.

Castle Village 120 Cabrini Boulevard building from west

The Christmas Perineum

A phrase stolen off of a tweet from the wonderful Charlie Brooker who’s  2013 Wipe Review of the year is still on iPlayer.

Yes the time between Christmas and New Year. It seems to me people wander round not really knowing what they should be doing. I mean Christmas and New Year are so very structured:

25th Dec

  1. Make sure turkey is in
  2. Unwrap presents
  3. Eat chocolate for breakfast, feel a little sick
  4. Find presents you haven’t unwrapped
  5. Eat Turkey
  6. Eat
  7. Eat some more
  8. Threaten to kill at least one family member
  9. Break at least one present
  10. (UK) Argue about watching The Queen / Watch The Queen
  11. Drunken stupor

26th Dec

  1. Regret
  2. (US) Back to work, really? Boxing Day richest country in the world and a day off to recover from Christmas is beyond you? OK
  3. Boxing Day, sporting day so maybe watch your team lose #AdkinsOut
  4. Eat leftovers
  5. Eat new food that someone brought especially (Mad world people)
  6. Sales (Farting all the way)

Now the abyss, the days which aren’t called anything. They may as well be January 17th for all that matters! What do you do? Some people had to work on the 27th, but some were able to take time off. But what do you do? Do you go to see friends? They might be at work, or gone to see family they made an excuse not to see on Christmas Day. TV is shit, all the good stuff was on a few days ago. Do you hit the sales (again)? Noooooooo screams your bank card, are you mad you don’t get paid yet. So you fart about, going hither and yon trying to find quality time to do something, anything.

All spent floating around. Saying maybe we should do this, or maybe that. Maybe I should write a blog piece that no-one will read. On the 30th you will discover that the beer you got from that bloke expired on the 29th. So you will buy some beer 2 crates for £16. Forgetting that the offer in the summer was 3 crates for £16. “Well it’s New Year”

31st Dec
New Years Eve: Cretins Holiday
A time for people who need to be told when and exactly how to have fun Whoo yeah, man made time celebration. It’s gonna be different, overnight. Yeah like it is for the other 300+ overnights.

1st Jan

  1. Regret
  2. Hangover
  3. Looking forward to the next 6 months of writing a 3 when you should write a 4

Happy New Year people, despite being a miserable bastard I hope 2014 is for you, dear reader, a year filled with Beauty, Happiness and Light. Who knows it might even happen for me too.