“It’s hard to have a relationship in this business…it’s gonna take a very special woman…or a bunch of average ones.”
Wow a surprise me starting a piece with a Bill Hicks quote. This is very true when disability is involved too. So to paraphrase.
“It’s hard to have a relationship if you have a disability…it’s gonna take a very special woman…or a bunch of average ones.”
Now in my experience the bunch of average ones don’t wanna know, or mores the point I don’t wanna know them. I know it’s never going to end well and I have never been one for the one night knee trembler, I’d fall down.
So that leaves it to the “very special woman” Now very special women are hard to find, I have had a few in my life and screwed things up with them royally. I am proof that disabled men are still men and as much as Channel 4 still try to paint us as Superhuman, we are prone to the same mistakes as the more able. We can be bastards at times.
One day however fuck ups aside, that special woman may come along. You know the one with low standards and no sense of smell. Hopefully you all live happily ever after in a castle with a access ramp. But in any relationship there are things that are negatives, things that you know make you less than her idea of perfection. Now in a “non disabled” relationship these issues can stay hidden for years, or at least swept under the carpet, suppressed and turned into a aneurysm.
The crutches or the wheelchair or the twitch or however a disability rears it’s head makes sure that for the disabled person these issues are in the forefront and must be discussed slap bang in the middle of the “look at me aren’t I great, I’m trying to impress you” phase. The last thing you want to do.
Two choices of course.
Lie: “I was in a accident/plane crash/Black Friday PS4 scrap”
This is good and if you do it well enough it could ensure that Mr Happy gets to play. Bad side of this is that if she is that special lady, what are you gonna do when your accident injuries don’t get better.
Truth: This could result in lots of talking, some stupid questions “You do have knees right?” it could also result in ridicule, turning your special woman into a heartless harlot in a few seconds. But if this happens you know that she wasn’t the one for you in the first place.
I read somewhere that 75% of people would not consider sex with a disabled person. I would count myself in that bracket it’s difficult enough when one of you can’t balance to manage a 64 let alone a 69. But the odds are stacked against you, especially when you consider the normal criteria and preferences.
In short. Disability one of the best cockblocks known to man
If you find anyone willing to jump that and then jump you cherish them, because they are a very special person indeed.