Coffee

Friday Fiction: Morning Coffee

Hi Dear Reader,

This is the first in a series aimed at forcing me to write at least once a week. Every Friday I will make every attempt to write something fictional for you to endureenjoy. This is something a little different.


The 90’s has a lot to answer for Luke thought as he fumbled for £3.50 in change to pay for his daily coffee. The shop was strangely empty for a Tuesday morning, in fact as he continued to fumble in his pocket hopping towards the till like some demented antelope on ice, he noticed that he, Luke Russell, was the only customer. His train of thought stopped dead when she spoke.
“Hello Sir.” She said “What can I get you?”
Luke froze, hand still in his pocket. He opened his mouth to reply but no words could be found. She was quite stunning, he thought. She had long dark hair, blue eyes that had Luke mesmerised. He fell in love easily and with alarming regularity. It was happening again.
“Sir?” she repeated, “Are you OK?”
Luke looked down at his pocketed hand, and withdrew it faster than a catholic on honeymoon. He felt his face redden and he was suddenly glad for the apparent decline in Starbucks business.
“I wasn’t…” he began. “….My change.”
She smiled a wide perfect smile which caused Luke to fall in Love all over again.
“What can I get you?”
“Medium Americano” he said amazed finally managed to order.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“…Luke” he said, pausing before remembering why she asked. For the cup.
“Sugar Luke?”
“No. You are sweet enough.” The very moment he felt the words leave his mouth he tried to reach out to stop them, now he was sure his face was crimson with embarrassment, if the floor wasn’t kind enough to open and swallow him he would take his coffee and sit far away, preferably outside. In fact he would never visit the store again yes….. She laughed ending his torment.
“Thank you Luke.” She said brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face. “Sugar for your coffee?”
“No thank you.”
“Take a seat, I’ll bring it over.”

Luke scurried away a corner table. He sat down and watched his coffee being prepared. The shop was still empty and very quiet. Aside from the grind of coffee beans and the gentle pan-pipe musak nothing was to be heard. The beautiful barista delivered Luke’s coffee as promised.
“Thanks.” He said. “Why is it so quiet today?”
“No idea. But it’s good for me. It’s my first day.”
“Oh, I thought I hadn’t seen you before. I come here most days. I’m Luke.”
She laughed again.
“I know I wrote on your cup. I’m Aubrey.”
Luke laughed.
“Pleased to meet you.” He said, extending his hand. “Feel free to sit down with me. I would offer to buy you coffee but..”
“You are silly.” She said as she pulled out a chair and sat down. “But that’s a good thing.” She added noticing the wounded look on Luke’s face.
He took a sip of coffee, remembering too late that, as the lid of his cup warned, contents were indeed hot. The Americano took the consistency of broken glass in his mouth. He felt it burn all the way down. Yet another stupid move, but one he felt he got away with.
“Hot?” she said.
He hadn’t.

“Than holy hell.” He replied with a pained smile.
“96 degrees. Just how they showed me.” She said, again pushing another stray strand of hair away from her face. “But my Mother told me when I was tiny to wait for drinks to cool down before drinking.”
“Smart woman. But then she will have never experienced the thrill and searing pain.”
“True.” Aubrey said and smiled. “Is it always this quiet here?”
“No, never seen it like this before. Usually full of suits with laptops.”
“Looking busy.”
“Yes exactly. “Luke replied, nodding and moving his hand tentatively towards his coffee. “Maybe they are all working from home or something”
“I’d love to do that, you could never be late then.”
Luke nodded and risked another try at drinking his coffee, a sudden dawn of realisation crept over his face.
“Late! Oh crap” he exclaimed and stood up from his chair. “Thank you so much for the coffee, but I am late for a meeting. Will I see you again?”
“Depends if you want coffee. Or if they fire me.”

He was about to reply, but his morning alarm went off in his ear. 6:30am, way too early but plenty of time for morning coffee.

Coffe time

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(28DW) Coffee Conglomerates

As you may know I’m not a great fan of the Occupy movement or indeed any anti-capitalist protests. I feel that ship has sailed, the capitalist world is here to stay. Any alternatives look great on paper but due to human nature always fail. People always will want more for themselves. Don’t agree well, the device you are reading this on was made by capitalist big player, so go and live in a box.

However, what I try to believe in is better. Which incidentally is Rupert Murdochs British Sky Broadcastings slogan. Some of the large conglomerates are indeed only interested in money, and the quality of their product suffers. It is this which (when money is tight) forces my arm when I choose where I shop, not some hippy bullshit (tofu shit maybe).

Coffee anyone? (As Costa can’t make tea)

An insult to gnats piss

An insult to gnats piss

UK high street big players Costa and Starbucks, two prime examples of big companies who have let their quality slip chasing the big money in some cases tax free! In my home town coffee at either of these outlets is often poor. Burnt in some cases, orders are confused in Costa, fulfilled by fake familiarity by Starbucks.

Potentially Racist Statement alert!!!

The language barrier exists in both outlets. It is very difficult to complain that your coffee is burnt and you Tuna Melt is still swimming if the barista barely knows the English for “Cup”. You would have thought that as barista in a coffee shop is a customer service position a good grasp of the English language would be a prerequisite. No?

So where do I go thats better? I go for a Picnic.

Picnic is a local coffee shop. (@Picnicfoods) The coffee is of high quality, the staff know how to make a cup of tea and the cakes are homemade. The proprietor of this fine establishment appears to have an excellent recruitment policy. All staff can communicate and are polite and helpful they also happen to all be very cute. Stepford Waitresses maybe?

So I urge you, when looking for somewhere to go for your “cup of Joe” try the local shop, as opposed to the big guys. Not for any ethical reasons you just might get something a little better and flavourful.Try it for other things too, you might get a level of customer service you are not used to.


Please check out the work of my 28DW friends at The Resident Weeble and A Piece of Pandemonium Who I’ve decided should buy me some cake.

Shiny Happy People

“Hi there!! How are you?!! That’s Amazing!! Great!! You have a fantastic day”

Makes you sick doesn’t it.

Now don’t get me wrong, naturally happy bubbly people are great to be around. There are people who genuinely care as to the well being of their fellow man. The few people I have met who are truly like that enriched my life no end. (One person in particular was so genuine her outward beauty wasn’t lost on me either.. hmm… oh. Yes writing) I will never be a happy bubbly guy.

I am a miserable curmudgeon. However if I enquire about your well being it is truly genuine. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t ask. There does seem to be a trend for faux caring or concern. Fake over familiarity is a close relation to this phenomenon, I’m looking at you Starbucks. My name? Why yes.. it’s Rancid Overpriced Koffee.

This over positive fraud does not enrich the world. You look deep into the eyes of the perpetrators when they are saying “HI THERE!” for the 50th time this hour, they are dead inside. They know you know their greeting and well wishes are not meant. They go home and kick their cat, just to balance out the negative yang to the plastered on ying smile they show throughout the day.

There are occasions where even the frauds are genuine but just like the boy who cried wolf it’s very difficult to believe them. I’m not even sure if they believe it themselves. I used to know a guy who when you asked him how he was he’d always say “Amazing” first time I asked I thought wow that’s good. By the third time I thought OK. There was no forth time. I stopped asking, after all if you are going to lie what is the point. Thing is, something fantastic may well happen to him one day, when it does there will be no reaction from anyone he tells. His Amazing has become everyone elses “OK thanks”

Communication is precious. It is more powerful than weaponry or money. Every single fake emotion you dilute your in to communications makes your opinions or messages you try to communicate get less and less valid. Until eventually no one listens and all you are left with is hollow vacuous meaningless “That’s Fantastic”

Have a nice day now. It’s amazing that you read this.

By KenBerthold (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons