Fiction: 3386 Seconds

Time is relative. For instance it is infinite but also limited, never ending but running out. Simultaneously best and worst ever all across the world. Babies being born whilst one mans time is almost up. In 56 minutes or indeed 3386 seconds, to be more precise, the man everyone knew as Mr Anthony Di Costa would be dead.

That is of course if I did the job properly.

To do something like this you have to be in the correct frame of mind you see. Focused on the outcome at all times otherwise the job ends up half done and it’s really messy. Not an experience I want again. That’s why timing is crucial, even down to the last second. True there are variables to consider, especially in a city of this size. Relatives for example tend to get in the way of a task like this if they are not held up in the Wednesday afternoon traffic on the way back from Target.

Today is a Wednesday. Almost like I planned it.

Method of course is also important. I have learnt this from experience too. You use the wrong tool for the job and you will have lots of explaining to do. A considerable pain as I recall. So today I have prepared a shotgun, with shells big enough to dispose of a bear from 100 feet away. This is not a weapon for second chances. One shot, all over.

I often wonder how I found myself in this situation. I mean here I am in a city full of opportunity. College years now long behind me, but I came out of that with some good grades. A boring but well paid job was just out there waiting for me they said. But here I am.
If I let myself think back to those college days for too long, my mind always wanders. There was a girl, there is always a girl, she lived out on the island with this little dog that always barked like a mad thing whenever I visited her. If she had said “yes” to me on the day I gazed into those beautiful eyes and asked her to be my wife, would I be here, gun in hand? Who knows. I don’t have time to ponder that anymore. My window of opportunity grows smaller.

Gun loaded, ready for the task. That’s how I had to think of it, a task, something to be done, finished. No emotion, that was another mistake from before. I guess you can say I am far from the best man for the job, but options, I suppose, are very thin on the ground.

The time is upon me now. This needs to be done before I back out. Eyes on the prize. C’mon now Anthony. Step into the light, I can do this. Focus, fingers on the trigger, white with pressure and adrenaline. This was the moment, shotgun barrel pointed upwards and pressed hard against my chin and now to embrace the end.

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Quest for Immortality

Everything will kill you. If you read the news these days, drinking, not drinking, smoking, eating, not eating. Eating the wrong things, eating the right things. You should of course refrain from doing anything otherwise it will be sure to cause imminent death

Since when did the purpose of life become immortality. If you enjoy smoking, smoke. Be considerate to those around you when you do it so it doesn’t effect anyone else. I’m not suggesting you spark up a “fat one” in the middle of a kiddies ball pool or that you blow smoke into the faces of your attendees at the anti-natal group. You might get cancer but then so might I a non-smoker. As Bill Hicks used to say:-

“I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don’t know, and I feel it’s my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . . Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you’ve chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You’re dead too.”

The only time I have a problem with anyone doing anything “bad” to themselves is when it becomes bad for other people. You should maybe consider giving up the cancer sticks if you have children. But not if doing so makes you cranky and shouty at your kids. Would you like your kids to remember you as someone who was great fun to be around but died or someone who was miserable and around for ever.

If when you drink, you turn into a fool, picking fights with everyone and are no fun to be around. You probably should stop drinking. If you have had a liver transplant ahead of thousands of others, you should stop drinking. If you choose to drink a skin full and get behind the wheel of car, you should be shot. However if you enjoy a few pints of a Friday night, have a laugh and cause no trouble drink on. It should be cheaper.

Excesses in excess are always bad. They will kill you eventually. But if you know that and it doesn’t impact on the happiness of others what a way to go. John Entwhistle bass player with The Who died of a cocaine induced heart attack in a hotel room with a stripper who was half his age. Rest assured he died happy.

Churchyard, Hatherleigh

No amount of pro-biotic yogurt can save you from this