English

A Pain in the But

I’m delighted that out of all the blog pieces you could have read (or looked at briefly in order to get fat picture of Kelly Brook) you chose to stop and read mine, but……

Isn’t “but” an awful word it can turn a compliment into something less than complimentary for example.

“You are a great guy.” Is fantastic on it’s own.
“You are a great guy.. but…” is terrible. Whatever comes after the “but” is not gonna be good, it’s like admitting you used the wrong word in “great” like you should have used OK but great was the first thing that popped into your head.

OK what if the sentence is “You had a hideous accident. But we found your penis.”

The “But” brings good news you might think, but no. It’s surrounded by bad news, you would rather never hear the sentence surely. “But” is a bringer of false hope a bastard word that says “You’ll have to endure this crap now, because something will be good later” Again you’d prefer to not have to wait and not hear “but”

“But” is also a “t” too short to be sexy ala “butt” same “t” is missing for the exciting ‘Glasgow Kiss’ head butt.

“But” reminds you of what you are missing. “Sure I could marry you but theres this other guy” or “This ice cream is yummy but I could have cream instead.”

It is in short a bitch of a word. So fuck but.

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(WMB4X) The Glee in Accidental poetry

People moan about the english language, really moan. Why is know spelt with a K? Why do the brits (correctly) spell words with “u’s” where it’s ok for our American brothers and sisters to leave letters out willy nilly? Hell there are even words that are spelt the same that mean entirely different things. My favourite (note the ‘U’ statesiders) of these Heteronyms is “Bear” because everytime anyone says they have a right to bear arms. I see this.

Image expertly drawn by the Resident Weeble

Image expertly drawn by the Resident Weeble

But for all the moaning, one of the joys of language be it English or Klingon has to be for me the joy of an accidental rhyme. Even the dullest news report can be lifted by a unexpected rhyme. It doesn’t have to be a news story either or indeed a true rhyme. ITV in the UK (as Apples iTV has been delayed) has a news reporter named Nina Nannar. Doesn’t matter what she says I’m always thinking ambulance sirens.

It’s not just the news either. The world of sport has it’s lynguistic delights too, I’m sure even the most ardent Cardiff City fan has raised a smile over Swans player Àngel Rangel. Additionally still in the world of football no matter how much he may try to hide it, Man City’s Everton loanee Gareth Barry is in fact named Gary Barry. Embrace the rhyming Gaz.

In everyday life the rhyme can occur. “Thats sweet Pete” was uttered in the office today. Although some of the examples of rhymes could get you fired or sued. “Nice tits Miss Smits” and I’m very pleased my boss isn’t Ms Hunt.

One of the simple things in life I try to enjoy. See the whole miserable bastard stuff is just shtick I do for the blog. Now to quote Charlie Brooker. Go away.


To see more of the talented Mr Weeble visit his blog if you ask nicely he might even draw you a Monkey bear