Frustration

Sixteen Tons Prompt

Regular readers might have guessed that I am not that fond of my job, so when I saw the daily prompt last week. I thought I’d take part (of course I’m late… just like when I’m at work)
It’s strange. I am not one of those people who can be pleased because “at least you have a job” Nor am I happy doing a job where I can see no worth in my output. This is my issue currently. It doesn’t really matter if I turn up or not, there is no scope for promotion or if there is, the work I’m doing now has no impact on my ability to get the higher graded job because everything is based on application and interview. So if you can spin a good line you’ll go far.

I have been in my current job for 6 years. It no longer provides me with a challenge I can use my skill set on. Surprisingly though the longer I stay here needing a new challenge the further I get away from it. I’ll explain.. or at least try to.

Before I arrived here I had skills, I know I did. But now my confidence is so low that I doubt my ability to do anything else. I wasn’t the most confident guy to begin with, but the frustration of this role, combined with failure after failure at interviews for other positions has led me to believe I am completely worthless and it is either this or nothing. For now, for ever.

This has spilled over into my personal life. I have no confidence for anything, which leads me to cling on like a limpet to anything that might be good, and squeeze it until it squirms away. Lots of the time I just want to curl up and die….. hey hey.. come back it’ll be ok. I won’t throw myself off a bridge, knowing my luck I’d screw that up!

(speaking to the camera) What the hell’s going on? I lost my show, I lost my best friend, I lost my girl. I’m being shit on, that’s all, shit on! And you know what really pisses me off — [camera pans away] Wait, no, come on back.. OK, things aren’t as bad as they seem… I’ll figure somethin’ out, OK? – Wayne Campbell (Waynes World)

Ok I realise this is wallowing a little. I haven’t stopped trying. To all those people who have met me within the last five years. I am a nice guy, I have a great sense of humour and I like pina coladas and going for walks in the rain. (oops wrong window) I’m sorry you haven’t seen that much. Sometimes I feel like I’ve not smiled since 1987. But guess what. I am currently putting off writing the final “Give me this job please” statement for two jobs whilst I’m writing this. Go me!

Who knows I might get one of those until then…
The vicious cycle continues. I hate work, I have no confidence to get out, frustration levels in my life are very high which makes me not a nice person to be around, so I resent work, I hate work….

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More Than Words

Tabloid journos get a lot of stick, sometimes quite rightly for listening in to voicemails and generally making up stories, even misquoting to fit a stories narrative. But it must be quite difficult, especially when you are a correspondent for one particular subject matter like the Royals, Finance or Football.

I mean there are only so many words. If you are writing about the same topics day in day out, the words tend to blend into one another and lose their impact. It doesn’t however make the words any less true. I consider myself to have a wide vocabulary but in my writing and communication I get frustrated at times that the “right” words are words I use a lot and their impact is sometimes lost.

A quick look at thesaurus.com tells me for example, that there are 50 synonyms for the word “Beautiful”. So thats 50 times you describe a sunset or a dog or a woman or a bridge. But you can’t exactly say “My thats a foxy bridge” and if you said it 50 times it would get same-y.. and thats just me who writes a blog piece once in the blue moon (not one about a bridge). I guess I’ll have to start writing about pig-ugly women instead. But where is the fun in that!!

I choose my words carefully, and vocally in conversation I am not ever in the habit of saying things that I don’t mean. That’s a waste of time and it serves no purpose. So if I say your writing is good or you have a cute arse I mean it. Equally the same applies if I say you write with all the believability of Russell T Davies and your tits are saggy. I didn’t say I was nice all the time!!

Little wonder then that Shakespeare made up his own words, a load of which are in regular use today. Indeed without the bard we could neither be aroused or amazed by the sight of someones undressed radiance. I do have a concern that due to technology our language is losing it’s lyrical nature. “LOL” is now in the dictionary and now is uttered in real life, instead of actually laughing or in the reserved English nature, smiling politely.

I am interested to know peoples opinions on this. As most folks who read this will write in some shape or another. Do you get miffed by the lack of impact words? Or is my vocabulary very small needing some work.. Please comment, if you like!

Bridging the East River

A Foxy Bridge