Happy Birthday

Birthdays: Women and Children only

If it’s your birthday today, Happy Birthday from all of us here at SudoOne. (Just me then) I hope you get all the gifts you want and a cake especially for you. Unless you are a male over the age of 18. In which case, happy birthday mate. I haven’t got you anything because I’m not your Mum. If you are lucky I might buy you a pint. Men don’t do birthdays.

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The male arrangement for birthdays.

I buy a beer, pie or coffee, if birthdays are mentioned at all. If not, all the men I know carry on as if their birthday was nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I refuse to work on my birthday. But this has more to do with me disliking work than anything else. Today is a work colleagues birthday. He is way over 18. He spent £50 feeding people who aren’t his friends, some of them hate him and yet will eat the free food (I didn’t). He works on phones, spent the majority of the morning telling customers it was his birthday. Now I know you have to build a rapport with the great unwashed but when your customer wants to do what he needs to do and hang up (Sounds like I work on a Sex line) your ‘special day’ matters diddly squat and mentioning it can come across as unprofessional.

Food rituals in the workplace are bullshit too. Its a unwritten rule that you have to bring stuff for your birthday, and you are judged on the quality of food you get, catering for all allergies in the office and watching out for those arseholes who will double dip the breadsticks. You are therefore a mixture of You, Jamie Oliver and Robocop.

I like other peoples birthdays. It gives me an opportunity to show the women and children in my life how much they mean to me. Really thats a grand total of three or so gifts (Daughter, Mother and the official photographer of the New York Yankees etc) But those are people I care about and people who I know appreciate what I got them. Not some people I happen to sit in a building with. Birthdays should be banned from the workplace. Which brings me to Yaya Toure.

Yaya Toure protegiendo el balon

Yaya Toure (centre) during a previous spell at Barca. Birthday Cake (not pictured)

I know this is a ruse. Yaya even tried to point it out himself. But for those who don’t know, Toure plays for Manchester City FC and his agent is saying that he will leave because they didn’t wish him Happy Birthday. In all reality he wants to leave because he can get a big bundle of cash from Barcelona. Thats fine with me. (Man doing job wants more money for working). However he does need to sack his agent for the “Birthday” plan because Yaya now looks like a bit of a dick. I hope he stays at Man City just for all the Birthday related chants he’ll get.

My birthday is in June by the way. Hint..


(BDYBIS) Happy Birthday Dad

This one will be rather self indulgent. More so than usual, why not it’s my blog and I can do what I want so na na na nah na.. no wait come back. Today is my Dad’s birthday, so as I’ve done a piece on Jimi Hendrix and Bill Hicks on their respective birthdays it would be rude not to feature the guy who played a major part in bringing me into the world, and making sure that I’m not a complete arsehole.

Yes for sure we have not always seen eye to eye, too similar for comfort sometimes, we both have few people in our lives who really matter. Those outside that privileged circle can pretty much fuck off and die. It’s a good way to be. That way you don’t get shit from people you hardly know.

One of my Dad’s favourite sayings is “The next man is an idiot” working where I do that is 100% true. My Dad taught me the value of hard work for necessary causes and good skives for unnecessary ones. My Dad was in the Fire Brigade, although this was before I was born it’s something I have always been immensely proud of. Yes whilst I spend my working hours massaging figures so that some incompetent prick who earns six times more than me doesn’t look a twatmonkey, my Dad used to spend his time pulling folks out of burning buildings. So thats why I want to wear a “NONE OF THIS MATTERS” shirt to work.

I don’t think my Dad would ever claim to be book smart. However I really appreciated the effort he would go to to find something out if I asked him about it. This was in the days before Google, I feel quite lazy now checking every fact on my freshly restored (twice now thanks iOS 6) iPhone.

Having a disabled child must be difficult. I mean there is no manual for “normal” kids so when some git pops out with crutches, a lesser man would have shit a brick. My Dad played a major part in my “can do” attitude. Thats not “can do” as in your bollocks corporate CV stuff. It’s actually real. I wanted to play football, ski, ride horses and run races. I did all those things, my Dad never once said “You can’t do that Son.” He was always there telling me to stop being a lazy bastard!

If anyone has read my football pieces, my Dad is always the one who accompanies me on these trips. Thinking back to the very start I used to take the piss Royally (pun intended for those who get it) because my Dad didn’t know player names or positions. Truth was I only did because I played a hell of a lot of Championship Manager at the time. He has learnt now, and many debate can be had. However he is still banned from telling me any predictions, because he always jinxes it.

As I career toward middle age myself. I look back and realise what good advice my Dad has given me over the years. He once told me my life could change in an instant, shortly afterwards it did. I am lucky to have a Dad who always has my best interests at heart, even if sometimes things go a little shit shaped. Someone who cares enough to let me make my own mistakes.. someone who can fart and clear a room.

Thanks Dad. Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday James Marshall Hendrix.
Anyone who is unaware of the work of Mr Hendrix please open up a new tab on your browser. Google or hell even Bing him. Go to You Tube educate yourself. If you like music, any music, from Rock to RnB, Soul to the long drawn out death rattle brought about by the terminal flatulence that is x-factor. All contemporary music will have in some way shape or form been influenced by him.

The “wild man” persona is what some people choose to see. Hard drugs and burning of guitars. Yet this Jimi himself didn’t like. He was a blues man, recording all that he could via a small tape recorder. He worked hard for a break, touring across America sometimes on a diet of day old donuts and left overs procured from local shop staff. LSD was present in jimi’s life, this was the 60’s he wasn’t Mr Clean. He did however play music from his heart. Experimenting with sounds, adapting equipment until it delivered the required acoustic quality. He had a love for the music.

Had he been alive today I can only surmise what he’d be doing. I would hope it wouldn’t be a ill advised concept album with Metallica. Some people have said he would have continued pushing our sonic boundaries. This is surely true but with the ever tighter grip of the music money men, I believe he would have grown weary of recording. Getting pleasure instead from jam nights in his soho blues club.

There is lots of hyperbole surrounding the artist deceased. It does nothing to detract from record sales. Take Jesus for example! No star is more deserving of this posthumous praise than Jimi, he changed the game. Sold more guitars for Fender than any amount of marketing could Happy Birthday from a world that produces banal uninteresting music, you are sadly missed.