(WMB4X) Nightmare is Xmas

There were so many things I could have written about for today’s WriteMare Before Xmas (WMB4X) piece. Kennedy, the fact that it’s International Disabled Persons day to name but two. But as I sit here now, not in the greatest of moods. I figured I’d use my melancholy.

I am aware lots of people hate Christmas. Lots of folks really love it too.

Guess which camp I fall in. Yep no surprises. So why am I writing this piece in November, well if shops can have Christmas stock in place by September I can write about Christmas whenever I damn well choose. The shops is a good enough place to start too. I am a single guy, I do my own shopping. Sometimes all I pop in for is a pint of milk, in early September I have to turn into some tinsel hoping, mince pie dodging hurdler just to get a pint of the white stuff. Why? Christmas point of sale displays popping up more often than the penis of an average teenager who is thinking.. about anything.

I wouldn’t mind if it was good stuff either. It’s all tat, overpriced overdraft inducing tat that everyone is guilt tripped into buying.

My house is a Christmas free zone. At least it is until I turn on my TV. Specials from Christmas past, present and future. I know it’s Christmas, I’m trying to avoid it thanks, additionally I know you filmed this in 25 degree heat in the summer in the Kent Countryside, so fuck off, get off my TV and stick your fake snow up your arse. Only safe haven is On-demand.

Work. I hate my job, I hate it at Christmas, pressured into parties with people you want to kill because “it’s Christmas” Also there is the actual work too. No-one does anything, which I have no problem with. However I have to report on people doing nothing by producing stats which people don’t read usually let alone near Christmas. So I have to cover people on leave and produce my normal level of work. Hardly comfort and joy.

Beer. I like a nice pint of real ale in a nice country pub. However around Christmas any pub that is any good is packed to the rafters. Full of occasional drinkers on “house white” or “do you do mulled wine?” again because it’s Christmas. Result being nowhere to sit, meaning no beer for me.

Family. I love my family and extended family which includes my friends. But, no family is perfect, so any fuck ups you have made in the last 20 years, which can be managed or swept under the carpet always rears it’s head at Christmas. Even if it’s nothing serious for you (lucky) there will probably be some git who doesn’t like their present. You spend december walking on egg shells probably for something you can’t even remember. You can’t tell them to fuck off either. Because it’s Christmas.

Christmas blog articles. People with no original ideas writing about Christmas like it’s something special even as early as November….


Visit the blog of the Resident Weeble. Send him a Christmas card. I won’t be.

Page 101

In commemoration of my 101st post (I’ll stop recognising post numbers soon I promise) I thought I’d add another page to my blog. Oh yes through the looking glass here people. Much like Room 101, TV/Radio show in the UK where guests send things they hate, Things listed on this page will be things that currently hated by yours truly. You may or may not agree but such is life. Hopefully I will write compelling arguments so you to can join in my hate. Maybe it will be a good experience for all of us.

I thought I’d write the opening entries here so that you dear reader didn’t have to click that extra time.. cos I hate that.

Things sent to Page 101. In no particular order, cos hatred does not work like that, hatred is a twisted ball of grrrr and cannot be constrained by any numerical system.

Chris Martin:

Him from Coldplay. Coldplay is music for people who have no opinion on music. The audio equivalent of magnolia paint. Magnolia is natural it stirs no emotion whatsoever, it sells by the bucket load, yet no-one really talks of it.

In a musical conversation if you say “I like Coldplay” there will be one of two responses “Oh” and no more is said. Or from likeminded (non musically opinionated) person “Me too.” And then no more is said.

The leader of the bland.. sorry band Chris Martin. Your band front man should be a figure head, Mick Jagger, Jimi Hendrix, Robert Plant, James Hetfield hell even Bono. A guy or girl able to whip up the crowd into a frenzy. Martin able to whip up the crowd into mediocrity.

The Edge:

Whilst we are on a musical tirade. The Edge a man who doesn’t so much play his guitar as program it. When I was a kid I had a toy guitar that had 12 preset riffs available at the press of a button. As a teenager I tried to learn the guitar and failed (even though my guitar is still in my lounge, one day it will sing) The Edge must have had the same toy, because every piece of guitar in every single U2 song is processed repeater pedal crap.

Also, I was recently watching a Rory Gallagher documentary. The Edge appeared, and apparently was best friends with Rory in his youth. Gallagher is dead now, so he cannot confirm, nor does The Edge have pictures. Slash on the other hand, has pictures. Strange that.

Pointless Stats:

My working life is dominated by stats. Numerics, forcast models. I spend hours each day bringing together all this stuff for it to be sent in an email and ignored by people on four times my salary. When they are gracious enough to read what I’ve put I am bombarded by inane requests for commentary explaining what it all means. Because they can’t understand the charts.

Charts which they requested. Charts which I informed them were too packed with crap to be of any use to anyone other than a abstract art exhibition. When they finally understand, they want me to massage the figures to represent something that isn’t there. Thus rendering this whole exercise pointless.

This is unfair. This was created using iWork Numbers.. not Excel that I have to deal with

That’s enough hate to begin with.. check in for more from time to time.