(28DW) Snooze!

I really should get up.

A thought that often crosses my mind. You see I write this from my bed, it’s a double and very comfy. It’s seen less action than a whole convent of nuns. (Sisters I’m open to offers… I’ll save you… I kinda look like Jesus) My bed is warm and even though my mouth is dry and I need to pee I have the compulsion to stay here until the very last possible second. It’s 11am, Saturday by the way so it’s not like I’m stupid late for work.

Workdays are even worse. I have 3 alarms with at least two hours where I know I can hit snooze. I still leave it to the last possible second. I have responsibilities I’m a adult, I should know better. I should be up preparing breakfast, doing yoga or as one of my colleagues does actually checking work emails. Three words… Get A Life.

I’m lazy but it’s not my fault. I blame snooze.

Which mental case invented that button? It’s more tempting to push than any button that says “Don’t Push” in fact I think it’s the one thing that unites the people of the world. From Nun.. (Call me yeah) to Whore.. From politician to pimp (sorry they are supposed to be contrasting things aren’t they) everyone has pressed snooze. Yes I know there are people without alarm clocks. But I also know they would find the snooze too difficult to leave alone was it present in their homes.

Don't press it..

Don’t press it..

It’s the “drug pusher” of buttons. There on your bedside saying “go on just a few more minutes, you’ve earned it, you are a special guy” in your hazy lazy state you believe ol snooze and lay there. There are some people who are full of pep in the morning. I want to kill them all!! I believe these people are recovering snooze addicts. They pressed so much it made their noses bleed. (Because they ran into a door whilst rushing to work, late cos of too much snooze) These folks have to be full of the joys of morning because they live in fear that snooze will return for them.

Well at nearly midday guilt now fills me. I must escape the warm snooze enabled clutches of my slumber pit. Guilt my arse… I just want a cup of tea before I go to football. Maybe a few more minutes…

Please check out the work of my 28DW friends at The Resident Weeble and A Piece of Pandemonium Who both featured in a News of the World “Snooze” exposé some time in the mid 90’s.


Where is the “Any” key?

I understand how skill sets for different people vary greatly. One man can put up a shelf as easy as another man can write a piece of VBA code. Swap the roles and you’ll most likely end up with a debug error and a shelf on the head. It’s part of lifes great tapestry, if we were all skilled in one area life would be impossible.

But.. and you knew there was one. I work in an office, much the same as any other, surrounded by folks who get paid more than me. Since (and lets be generous here) the mid 90’s computers, much to my horror mainly PC’s, have been present on the desk of all office workers. I have one and a half PC’s on my desk at work. Running Windows Vista. The half is a thin client thing (no I don’t really know either) As a common slave to the office, I know how my PC and the software installed on that PC works. It is after all a tool which enables me to do my job.

Please explain to me why, several of the folks who get paid more than I, are as mystified by the box on their desk as the people watching the first “Moving Picture” of that train were. Being a office worker who can’t use a computer is kind of like being a mechanic who can’t use a spanner or a carpenter who chooses to bang in nails with his cheese sandwich whilst he gnaws on the business end of his hammer.

With the myriad of free computer courses available there really is very little excuse. Oh and incidentally I don’t mean you have to be able to programme sub-routines. I consider the following to be essential skills:-

  • Boot up and log on
  • Open email program, check and compose email
  • Write a document in a word processor (MS Word or Pages)
  • Use spell check
  • Copy and Paste
  • Maintain personal calendar
  • Enter data in a spreadsheet

Basic skills, all of which could be taught over a cup of tea and a bourbon in five minutes. What makes me laugh is a lot of the people who are unable to grasp these things in a professional setting spend their life on Facebook or Twitter. Facebook has changed so much since I joined that it now confuses me. So I can only draw one conclusion, these people aren’t perplexed by a basic word document. They are just lazy.