List

(WMB4X) The Dangers of Writing

I have successfully tossed out some old piece of something which you, dear reader, have been kind enough to read for the past few weeks. Don’t worry the month is nearly up! But blogging/writing is a dangerous business. Here’s why!

  1. On odd occasion I like to go old school and write. Actually write with pen and paper. It makes me feel more alive, more inspired, more pretentious. So two paper related dangers to begin. Paper cuts and poking yourself in the eye with either paper or pen. Writing happily then the paper cut. Hurts more than writing a bad sentence. On rare occasions it may even bleed making those murder mysteries more authentic. The poke in the eye can also occur, often when pondering a stories climax. At your most concentrated then, blinded.
  2. Alcohol. You are a writer. Everyone expects you to be pissed. There is however huge temptation to drink in order to to find inspiration. Whilst there are exceptions (Stephen King has books he can’t even remember as he was so drunk) almost always everything drunken you writes will be shit, leading to re-writes in the sober light of day. Often nursing the wonder excuse for not writing, the hangover.
  3. Boring others. You write, big whoop. Generally unless you are JK Rowling no-one gives a shit. However in the world in which you live, your project, your blog, your novel is your world. It fills your life. However your nearest and dearest could well be bored shitless by the plight of your protagonist. Something to bear in mind whilst down the pub.
  4. Technical issues. The creative wind is blowing in your sails, you have the idea of a lifetime. It is now that your pen runs dry or your computer crashes losing your idea forever. Thanks a bunch. You will care not a jot that Word has encountered a unexpected error.
  5. Distractions. Unless you are old schooling it up armed with your eye removing biro, you probably write on something that has access to your twitter feed or porn or LOL Cats. The distraction is very dangerous because it stops your flow and makes what you write when you return make no sense. Armadillos…
  6. Disappearing up your own arse. You are a writer, an artist, a visionary, a moulder of hearts and minds. With your pen or trusty laptop you can change the world forever. At least you could if you weren’t in your pants at 11:30am having not written anything and only just worked out how to get the lid off the marmalade. Yet you may fall into the trap of loving yourself, no not like that. You write, you are king. The postman is beneath you, as are your friends. You are a god in your own pants. You will never write any believable characters.
  7. Writing advice lists. You will write on the dangers of being a writer, ending with the last danger being writing lists, thinking how wonderfully droll you are being. You will end the list with a undeserved sense of wellbeing almost stopping mid.


Go and visit a man with a thirst for danger the Resident Weeble

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(WMB4X) 5 TV Cops

I was watching Life On Mars earlier so here for no reason other than the fact the Internet loves lists and in no particular order. Are a few of my favourite TV cops.

1. Gene Hunt, Philip Glenister (Life On Mars)
Trust the Gene genie. Life on Mars and spin off Ashes to Ashes were both superb shows, true event TV in a era of nothingness. DCI Hunt was the closest thing you would get to a ‘coppers copper’ taking bad guys off the streets in any way he thought got the job done. His dry Manchester wit made this show for me. I laughed for 10 solid minutes at this. Un-PC yes. Offensive no. If you have not seen this show. It’s on Netflix in all it’s glory.

Another three words from me on the US remake of the show. Fuck. Right. Off.

2. Sarah Lund, Sofie Gråbøl (Forbrydelsen AKA The Killing I-III)
Anyone who follows me on Twitter knows how much I love this Danish show (it’s almost their best export beaten only by Bacon) I have not yet seen all three series of this yet and that’s why it doesn’t get it’s own blog piece. Lund is very observant, and seems to always pick the correct line of questioning that her male counterparts miss. She has a dysfunctional social life and is rather stereotypically “married to the job” but in the TV climate of TOWIE etc it’s great to have not only a show with a compelling story arc but a very strong female lead.

I haven’t watched the US version of this. Largely thanks to the mental scars gained from Life on Mars US. Forbrydelsen I & II are available again on Netflix (who are not paying me by the way)

3. Andy Sipowicz, Dennis Franz (NYPD Blue)
The marvellous NYPD Blue. Sipowicz like Gene Hunt is an old style police man. He gets bad guys, not the fittest or the fastest not the most PC in early seasons. Dennis Franz portrayal made this show infinitely watchable, a flawed character a diamond in the rough. I wish I’d watched more of these but in the UK Channel 4 buried them in the schedules, I remember one of the later seasons starting at 2am. In the days before Sky+ meant NYPD blue got me in trouble with my Mum come the morning when I couldn’t get up for school.

4. Patrick Jane, Simon Baker (The Mentalist)
Not strictly a police officer but it’s my list and I can include who I want. Red John killed his family, largely because Jane was passing himself off as a psychic on TV. Jane sees the error of his ways and leaves the facade behind in pursuit of his families killer. He does it with such charm and humour too. Ticks so many boxes for me.

5. Inspector Morse, John Thaw (Inspector Morse)
Colin Dexters epic English gentleman copper with a love of Opera (not the web browser) and real ale. From a era when ITV made good shows. Morse has a special place in my heart, as the one show the teachers let me and my friend stay up and watch whilst we were on a school trip. Morse is a miserable old sod. Bit like a vastly more intelligent version of me really.

So there you have it? I bet I’ve missed some out, please hurl abuse at me below.


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