Plan

Enjoy

Enjoying the now. You wouldn’t think it’s difficult would you? To enjoy what you are doing, live in the moment. Before I started writing this I was thinking it was just me, but all of us to some degree fail to grasp fully the wonderful things that are occurring. Right now.

Modern life doesn’t help full of distractions and noise. Long time readers of this blog (thank you and that ambulance outside is probably for you) will know that I love my tech. My iPhone much to my bosses displeasure hardly leaves my sweaty palm. But does it let me enjoy my life knowing that a footballer I follow on twitter is talking to another footballer about “Take Me Out” yet I consume.

I have been to many a gig. The focus for many now is not to let go, be absorbed in the music but to video it in full HD, so they can enjoy it later. The later that never comes, or the later that you only enjoy when one of your fellow gig goers dies. Then you’ll sit and look at it and go, “remember when you filmed this.”

Contentment goes against human nature. We will always want more, faster, higher. It’s what has moved us on, moved us out of our caves. But the human race has pretty much gone as far as we can now, and the reality is that most of us aren’t gonna make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things.

Recently I have had good cause to try and live in the now. I find my myself making plans, plans that would be amazing, but plans that I know I actually have very little control over. These plans then take my focus away from what is happening now, robbing me of not only an unlikely future but an exciting and inspiring present.

Enjoy the now, after all you probably planned this moment ages ago..

Thats how to enjoy the moment.

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Fiction: Best Laid Plan

I have grown less and less socially adept over the years, not that I ever was Mr Popular or the life and soul of the party. I cannot pinpoint the start of my fall into hermit territory nor have I tried. I am more self centred than I can ever remember. I hate myself for it and yet I am comfortable in my own company embracing my own in-difference with myself.

I am the not so proud owner of many self help books, as I look around my room as I prepare for my little trip, I notice that roughly one in three books in my unkempt shelfs have inspirational titles. One in three of those have no spine damage and are the result of another “best laid plan” unread unloved and yellowed from the tobacco smoke that often fills my room.

I never used to smoke, not that I was anti it, just never appealed to myself of twenty years ago. So now as I take a long draw on the fifteenth cigarette of the day I hope that self righteous prick I was as a seventeen year old would be appalled. Who was that arsehole to judge me anyway? As the warm smoke still tickled insides of my lungs I poked the dying ember and dog-end into the open can next to me and listened for the brief hiss as fire lost it’s battle with lager.

Three cans already and it was only 10:15am. Still I figured I would need the bold brazenness that my beer jacket gives me. I hate the taste, but Special Brew is cheap and strong just the thing for today. I have an hour until my journey will begin. It will only be short and I hope that it will be the best laid plan I have ever thought of.

Strangely for me all my friends will be there, five of those. Then of course there will be the acquaintances, the people you could just about talk to in the work canteen queue , but you cursed if they sat down with you at a table. “Little Amy doing great at school” I don’t care, and I know that little Amy will eventually turn out to be a disappointment. Where will you be telling me that, over an overpriced jacket potato? No-where. Go away.. But they never do, half an hour of my life I won’t get back.

Then there are the people you can’t abide in any measure, most of the crowd there. These are the people who rub me up the wrong way just by sharing the same air. Mostly people who other folks tell me are “great” or “really funny” they never are. Always cretins, always the fuckers who are bright and breezy before we start that 7:30 morning shift. You might say I’m not a morning person.

I will meet those people first.

I have been planning this day for about a year. Now it’s nearly here I don’t feel anything, no nerves which is unusual for me. I get nervous about everything, that is something I still share with my seventeen year-old self. Little dickhead tried and failed on numerous occasions to get his dick wet only for nerves to get in the way, so whilst others were sowing their wild oats he pre-occupied himself trying to save mother earth. Yes for three years I was a tree hugger. That changed when I met Suzanne or “Rainbow” as she was known. We hung around for 6 months, until she decided that “Woody” or Colin was a better fuck than me. I hugged my last tree when I found them “as one” in my sleeping bag. Last I heard they have four kids and are “very happy”.

It’s a shame they won’t be there.

I am dressed now. My long overcoat will look out of place as the sunshine is high in the sky, but as I always wear it I don’t think even the most fashion conscious amongst them will say anything, Fuck them if they do, there are things far more important than appearance, as they will find out. The jeans that I picked out for today are however are too tight, I think I might change them. I need to be comfortable.

The time has nearly caught up with me. No time to change my jeans now, I pull my polished shoes onto my beaten up feet. These particular shoes always tear my feet to shreds for the first thirty paces, but I hope the Special Brew will numb the pain today. I have no others so I have no choice. I check the locks on the windows, and draw the curtains across so that the glow of my sixteenth cigarette is almost the only thing that illuminates the room.

I fetch my bag, the beer almost getting the better of me as I bent down to floor. My bag is re-assuringly heavy in my hand. I open it briefly to check everything. The tenth time today. I still have all that I will need. I zip it back up, take a brief look around the darkened room, open the door and step out into the sunshine.

Today would change everything.