(WMB4X) Poem in the Key of Arrgh

Where oh where are my damn keys,
I really need them see,
Have they fallen under the fridge again.
Where can those bastards be?

How can they go astray,
They are less mobile than me,
It’s not like they have gone rock climbing,
Where can those bastards be?

The door is locked I can’t get out,
They have made a prisoner of me,
Am I here whilst they are partying,
Where can those bastards be?

I’ve turned my house upside down,
I have a door but I can’t unlock it,
Now it looks like I’ve been robbed,
Oh, the fuckers are in my pocket.


Find the Key to the universe at the Resident Weebles blog


Survival of the Stupid

In the natural world it is a well known fact that only the strongest survive, it keeps future generations healthy and ensures that whole eco-system survives, for any chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link.

Why do some seem to think this shouldn’t apply to the human race?

Granted with advances in medical science folks with all kinds of disabilities make it through the world, but even people with the worst ailments still have the strength to continue to fight the good fight which is life. What I’m talking about is the people who meet their maker due to general stupidity.

The people who use flame throwers to kill spiders and he didn’t even die, the people who decide they can’t sit in a traffic queue for 3 seconds and then get totalled on a Level Crossing. Yes any loss of life is sad, terrible for those involved. However if we look at the human race, just as we would a species of bird, is the human race not stronger without Captain Thicky slowing us down.

By Mark Kobayashi-Hillary from London, United Kingdom (London - freight train entering level crossing) [CC-BY-2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons Lights, gates, sirens. What do you want a dancing band

Overpopulation, the single most common reason the planet is dieing. We refuse to acknowledge this issue, an issue which if resolved would do more to save the planet than any number of bottle banks ever could. So if a few really dense folks die by doing something stupid they are really helping us all out.

Why then, do we want to bend over backwards to protect these people. Don’t forget I am talking of people who have nothing medically wrong with them, mentally able adults capable of free will. Why are there debates to get rid of level crossings? How stupid do you have to be? At most of them there are flashing lights and automatic fences. It is more difficult and complicated to get stuck and die than it is to wait in a queue and survive for another 40-50 years.

If we start abolishing things on which the stupids could kill themselves the world would grind to a halt. No hot food or drinks, no knifes or forks. No cars, no buildings, as someone might climb on the roof and fall, that is if they could get a ladder.

Yes OK I’m prepared to admit there is a certain amount of luck involved in survival. There are people in the world who are generally unfortunate, but for the most part their misfortune is somehow of their own making, a weakness in their decision making process.

If I meet my demise doing something stupid, feel free to use this as a eulogy. Something stupid does not count as a fun afternoon with 19yr old curvy female triplets, when I’m 85. But if that’s the case… please read that out too. I wanna tell everyone!

Where is the “Any” key?

I understand how skill sets for different people vary greatly. One man can put up a shelf as easy as another man can write a piece of VBA code. Swap the roles and you’ll most likely end up with a debug error and a shelf on the head. It’s part of lifes great tapestry, if we were all skilled in one area life would be impossible.

But.. and you knew there was one. I work in an office, much the same as any other, surrounded by folks who get paid more than me. Since (and lets be generous here) the mid 90’s computers, much to my horror mainly PC’s, have been present on the desk of all office workers. I have one and a half PC’s on my desk at work. Running Windows Vista. The half is a thin client thing (no I don’t really know either) As a common slave to the office, I know how my PC and the software installed on that PC works. It is after all a tool which enables me to do my job.

Please explain to me why, several of the folks who get paid more than I, are as mystified by the box on their desk as the people watching the first “Moving Picture” of that train were. Being a office worker who can’t use a computer is kind of like being a mechanic who can’t use a spanner or a carpenter who chooses to bang in nails with his cheese sandwich whilst he gnaws on the business end of his hammer.

With the myriad of free computer courses available there really is very little excuse. Oh and incidentally I don’t mean you have to be able to programme sub-routines. I consider the following to be essential skills:-

  • Boot up and log on
  • Open email program, check and compose email
  • Write a document in a word processor (MS Word or Pages)
  • Use spell check
  • Copy and Paste
  • Maintain personal calendar
  • Enter data in a spreadsheet

Basic skills, all of which could be taught over a cup of tea and a bourbon in five minutes. What makes me laugh is a lot of the people who are unable to grasp these things in a professional setting spend their life on Facebook or Twitter. Facebook has changed so much since I joined that it now confuses me. So I can only draw one conclusion, these people aren’t perplexed by a basic word document. They are just lazy.