Sweaty

Poem: Canary

Every year the chillers break,
Every year us workers bake,
Yes it is a sweaty mess,
On the corporate ladder to success,
It’s hard to have blue sky thoughts,
When you are sitting in your boxer shorts,
Sweaty arms, sweaty back,
Sweaty balls, sweaty crack,
Windows you can’t open or close,
Farts from the 80’s all in your nose,
It’s like this throughout the seasons,
Wash everything for hygiene reasons,
Melting hot Summer,
Drafts in the Fall,
Frostbite in Winter,
Spring never happens at all,
Corporate patsies, uniform lines,
Swear they had it better down the mines,
You think I’m joking? Take back what I said?
We had a Canary here. It’s definitely dead.

Part of the WordPress Daily Post: Seasonal Scents

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Cupid Stunt : A Window into the Soul

Technology marches on, the pen and paper have largely been replaced by tablet like devices, (smart phones, iPads* Other tablets are available.. somewhere) your Mum is the only person who ever rings on your house phone. The remote control on your TV a sign of late 70’s affluence has been replaced in some cases by a mere flick of a hand. I have yet to find out what happens when anyone is watching Babestation.

The Yellow Pages, a huge tome back when I was a kid, is now a slim volume, a large proportion of which serves as a sign post to web pages and apps. Everyone from men with movers to morticians are online. It’s not a choice or business strategy it’s a customer expectation. If you are not online, you are not anywhere so it seems.

Next though a technological advance that has been superseded way before it’s time, it has been bringing light into our lives ever since Urrgh the caveman noticed a gap in the cave wall that was too small to walk through, but allowed him to look out and watch Urrghina the cavewoman take a swim in the lake. Urrgh didn’t call this gap the “window” Bill Gates did in the 80’s. In-between times the window was known as the “Pain in the Glass” due to the amount of people who walked into one.

Sometime in nineteen hundred and squawk, Mary Hinge invented the opening window, unknowingly harking back to the early experiences of Urrgh and missing out on lucrative retro marketing opportunities. With the Mary Hinge attached to the “Pains” users were able to get a taste of fresh air, or shout at “You..you man there” with relative ease. It also ended the fifty year queues at the McDonalds drive thrus. The last explorers looking for the next available window were found in November 1987.

Disaster for Mary Hinge in the UK in the early 80’s. Betty Swollocks introduced the air conditioner. Originally designed to accompany anti-dandruff shampoo in the nations showers it was pointed out to Betty that air conditioners could indeed regulate the temperature of office buildings and homes of those people with more money than sense.

Businesses all displayed their Betty Swollocks. Mary Hinge’s openings were sealed off, and summer in the 80’s was cancelled. Since then office workers too tight to pay the premium for Betty Swollocks enhancements every year have been cold in the winter, where the cheap Swollocks thermostat broke, and baking like Victorias personal Sandwich in the summer as the Swollocks cooler ceased to function.

In a story where Mary Hinge should have had the last laugh, tragedy was just behind her. Mr Tragedy a long time lover of Mary Hinge flew in a tempestuous rage after Mary had discovered him in bed with a another woman. Ironically Tragedy pushed her out of one of the windows she herself designed and installed in her London penthouse. She fell many flights into the path of a steam roller, and to this day people talk of the spread Mary Hinge in Soho.

Mary’s invention by rights should still be used in office buildings. Prevent Betty Swollocks, say no to Air Con.

Katie H in Window

Mary Hinge and her Invention